Critics Choice Awards Host Chelsea Handler Roasts Blake Lively, Justin Baldoni, Ralph Fiennes & Colin Farrell In Opening Monologue

Without saying the actual words ‘Donald Trump’, Critics Choice Awards host Chelsea Handler fired up her monologue with jokes where Golden Globe host Nikki Glaser feared to go: Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni.

“Thank you for providing us with distraction,” Handler joked about the legally contentious duo who aren’t here at the ceremony today. At a time of LA wildfires and erratic Trump times, nothing spells relief for Handler like the It Ends With Us duo. “We’re all grateful and I think we’re good,” she said about them.

“It doesn’t matter whose side you’re on, we can accept that there isn’t going to be a sequel,” said the former E! late night talk show host.

She told the packed Santa Monica Barker Hanger: “It ends with us guys.”

Speaking of her former stint as late night host, Handler then quipped, “I spent seven years on this network, I was the only woman hosting a late-night show. Now 11 years later, look how far we’ve come. In 2025, the easiest way for a woman to get a late-night show is to get the creators of Hacks to write a fictional story about it.”.

Turning to her fascination of Ralph Fiennes, she said, “You’ve played a ruthless Nazi, an evil lord Dumbledore and a celibate cardinal, and somehow you’ve made me want to have sex with you in all roles, and I’m not alone. You’ve some made some truly some unsexy people, very sexy. So, I’m begging you never play Vladimir Putin. I can’t do that again.”

A similar ding for Penguin star Colin Farrell: Colin spent four horus transforming into the Penguin. Now we know how long it takes to make Colin Farrell unf**kable.”

Then came the absolute zinger from Handler: “Still, I would hit those flippers!”

Calling out the actresses in the room from Ariana Grande to June Squibb, Handler beamed, “You had to survive Nickelodeon or World War II…I saw that documentary, Nickelodeon looked harder!”

Setting her sights on Wicked, Handler digged, “I loved the Wicked press tour, the two of them were all over each other…”

Punchline: “I remember the first time I did molly…”

Rounding out her fierce opening, Handler said, “The cast of Wicked weren’t the only ones singing this year….There was Zoe Saldana in Emilia Perez…Sing Sing, which isn’t a musical, but I thought it would be…”

And lastly, “and Nicole Kidman in Babygirl, face down in a carpet. I know it wasn’t a musical, but you definitely hit some notes I’ve never heard!” Handler later said that the movie was her favorite and it “inspired me to hire a new sexy intern.” She then stood by Fiennes drinking a glass of milk ala Kidman in Babygirl; after she finished the Conclave actor exclaimed “Good girl!”.

Coming back to awards season after the industry took a major pause to the L.A. wildfires, there were questions as to how the cadence of awards show will go down. In the case of Handler, it was classy and jokes without any harnesses.

Before she even started throwing tomatoes at Baldoni and Lively, Handler began the show standing besides some of the fires’ first responders.

“What we saw and the scope of loss was impossible to imagine,” said Handler, “It’s a reminder of each other’s resilience and determination that is within all of us when we come together as a community with a huge debt of gratitude.”

The entire tent at the Barker Hanger rose cheering as Handler acknowledged the firefighters, Red Cross and Habitat for Humanity volunteers in the room.