Expert tips on properly introducing a new spouse to children
AUSTIN (KXAN) — Introducing a new spouse to your children? Navigating divorce, a new marriage, blended family dynamics or new relationships can be tough on kids. Experts say it is important to understand the do’s and don’ts when introducing your children to these new transitions.
February is a time of year when love is celebrated—love in all forms. For navigating changes in family dynamics, it is normal for children to experience big emotions.
Dr. Lauren Loquasto, a chief academic officer at the Goddard School, focuses on helping young students and parents through these life transitions. Loquasto puts emphasis on the child’s emotions and guides parents through the key steps towards patience and understanding.
“It’s important that parents talk openly with children about what’s occurring and try to maintain as much consistency as possible,” Loquasto said.
The four main steps to focus on are pace, comfortability, letting the child drive the situation and being prepared for all sorts of reactions, according to Loquasto.
Proceed slowly
It is very natural for parents when dating to want to introduce their new partner to their children. Kids are a big part of your life so bringing those two worlds together may seem natural, but making sure you do that at the correct pace is most important for positive results.
“That is a big change for the child to introduce not only a new partner who the child might see as a potential parent figure but also having to share time with that parent at the same time,” Loquasto said.
It is also important for the parent to ask themselves if this person going to be a regular presence in the child’s life. If no, then hold off from introducing them to the child, according to Loquasto.
Finding the perfect environment
Loquasto said making sure the child is in their most comfortable environment can help the child feel in control and drive the interaction between them and the new romantic partner.
“It might be a trampoline park, it might be a playground, it might be in the child’s playroom in their home. And the point is to allow the child to feel very comfortable and very in control of the environment,” Loquasto said.
Giving the child the reins
Some young children may immediately ignore the romantic partner at first, Loquasto said. In these situations it is important the parent not force the interaction.
“Allow the child to have time and space, to get comfortable with the partner, and that way they feel like they’re in control of the situation. It’ll make for a better, better outcome for both the adults as well as for the child,” Loquasto said.
Being prepared for all reactions
When introducing a new partner, as a parent it is important to remember to ask this child how they feel about the partner. Do you like so and so? What do you like about them? Start to engage the child in the conversation, and always prepare for the unexpected reaction.
“Some young children might become angry and say, I don’t like him, I don’t like her, and might be very verbal and rejecting that partner. Others might take them immediately, and you have the declarations of love, or I love you, or you can be my new dad. You’d be my new mom. Those are very normative questions that a young child might ask,” Loquasto said.
Loquasto said when you have positively brought the idea of a new spouse in the home then questions about the relationship may come forward from the child. If the parent and spouse are not comfortable answering those types of questions, Loquasto said it’d be best to be honest and answer with “I don’t know” or “We are not sure yet.”
“The most important message is that the face of the American family is ever-changing. A lot of families go through changes, and children are resilient,” Loquasto said.
