“NBCU Has The Sh*t You’re After”: Seth MacFarlane Opens NBCU Upfront Presentation With Insult-Packed Musical Number

Well, this was a choice: NBCUniversal kicked off its upfront presentation Monday in New York City by having Seth MacFarlane participate in a musical number while singing “NBCU has the shit you’re after.”

MacFarlane, who is now set to make an animated version of his Ted franchise for Peacock as a follow-up to his live-action comedy, took center stage at Radio Music Hall to take musical pot shots at Disney dwarves, David Zaslav, HBO’s name change, FX’s The Bear, Paramount+ and how NBC “has the biggest cock.”

Here are the lyrics:

“Brother, don’t waste your buck. You can give all your money to Netflix just to have your commercials. But I got news, buddy. All your views are the Tinder dates just busy getting laid. They got 10,000 shows on the platform, but it ain’t where you want to write your checks because you will find, yeah, that love is blind.”

“But alas folks, so are their execs. NBCU has the shit you are after everything’s here just waiting for you. All of the sports and the thrills and laughter. Wait till you see what’s new. You can take all your dollars to Hulu. I can vouch that they’re mostly decent folks, but I don’t care. I won’t watch The Bear. It’s a comedy with everything but jokes. Oh, you might be enchanted by Disney for the magic that they’ve imagined, but you’ll feel fright when you see Snow White because the dwarves look really fucking weird.”

“NBCU has the shit you are after everything’s here just waiting for you. All of the sparks and the thrills and laughter. Wait. You see what’s new? Who’s in charge of the business at Max now? Well, whoever it is, they got to go. It’s awful sad, but it all went bad when they changed their stupid name from HBO.”

“All their series have stories of incest. What the hell are we supposed to take away? And holy Jesus, will somebody please check on Zaslav’s brother right away.”

“NBCU has the shit you’re after. Everything here just waiting for you. All of the sports and the thrills and laughter. Well, you see what’s new. You can gamble on Paramount Plus folks, though it seems they no longer even try, but you can go to their upfront show. You can find it in the basement of the Y. Sure they’re technically still in the game vow, but tomorrow is looking kind of bleak because me and you haven’t got a clue who their CEO will be this week.”

“NBC has the shit you are after everything new is just waiting for you. All of the sports and the thrills and laughter. Wait until you see what’s new. Look no further than NBCU folks. We are the place where you’re going to want to splurge. We got great shows and the whole town knows every other streamers are calling us to merge. And when all of your surfing is over, you can bet all your money and your stock, the rest all fail … NBC has got the biggest cock.”

“NBCU has to shake your laughter, everything just waiting for you. All of the sports and thrills and laughter waiting. You see what’s new. NBC has the freaking Olympics. You can tune in and watch it all day long. Our whole sports bunch packs a mighty punch like that lady boxer they love had a dog that once again SNL is returning for the next 50 years. It will survive. And they have sworn they’ll be run by Lorne from a lab where he’ll be kept alive.”

“NBC has the shit you are after everything new is just waiting for you. All of the sports and the thrills and laughter. Wait until you see what’s new.”