I Was a 34-Year-Old New Mom When I Was Diagnosed With Stage IV Breast Cancer

My initial thought was, “I’m gonna fight and be as aggressive as possible—remove my breast, and do whatever else you have to do.” I started with this anxious feeling of, “Let’s come up with a game plan. Let’s execute it. Let’s move.” I wanted to get started as quickly as possible. So it was really confusing when I started learning more about the best and newest treatment options for stage 4 breast cancer: It’s not getting a mastectomy, nor necessarily being as aggressive as possible, because it’s not curable.

I was a few rounds into chemo when I realized that I wasn’t in the best hands. Thankfully, I have people in my network and family who are in the medical field and started researching my options. My husband’s uncle, a breast cancer surgeon, called me and was like, “I’m reading all this stuff, and I think we need to revisit your treatment plan.” My oncologist at the time wasn’t following the current standard of care. I was on a drug that had been removed from the recommendations for treating metastatic disease because it’s more toxic than necessary for an incurable disease. If I had a different mutation or earlier-stage breast cancer, it would have made sense. But this oncologist saw my anxiety and was like, “Okay, if you want to be super aggressive, that’s what we’ll do,” rather than educating me on the best course of action.

I immediately had my husband’s uncle help me find another doctor, who switched me off that chemo, so I stopped feeling so sick and throwing up. Eventually, I ended up at UCLA with Dr. Sara Hurvitz, who is on the cutting edge of treating HER2-positive breast cancer. When she left to go to another hospital, I started seeing my current oncologist, Dr. Marla Lipsyc-Sharf. She relocated from Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston, near where I’m from, and has been a great fit for me. I’m so grateful that I no longer have to question what we’re doing. I can trust that they’re taking appropriate action and are aware of the most up-to-date approach. Not knowing that before was the scariest part. There are certain times when you feel like, “Okay, I need to just suck it up because there are tumors in my brain,” right? But you want to feel confident in who’s advising you and what treatments you’re on because it can be so miserable at times; you want to know you’re doing the right thing. When I determined in that very early stage that I wasn’t on the best treatment plan for me, I was rattled. It was like, “Wow, I need to advocate for myself a lot more than I realized.”

Billye Brenneisen

Billye Brenneisen

My biggest piece of advice, and what I think is lifesaving advice, is to not be afraid to get a second opinion—even if you’re already seeing “the best.” My current oncologist, whom I just adore, would encourage me to do exactly that were I interested. Any good doctor won’t feel threatened or offended by your desire to seek other perspectives. If they are, I don’t think they’re the right provider.