From Speedbump to Quesadillo: Armadillo racing is keeping Austin weird
AUSTIN (KXAN) — Fans line the track, the racers step out into the light, and the announcer, Swift Sparks, pumps up the crowd.
“We’ve got high-performance athletes,” exclaims Sparks. “We’ve got vicious competition. It’s the fastest five minutes in racing!”
Five minutes is generous. The sprint between Speedbump and Quesadillo only lasts about five seconds.
In a city known for its racing thanks to Formula 1 and NASCAR, the uniquely Texas tradition of armadillo racing is helping keep Austin weird.
On a hot spring day, Sparks brought four of his armadillos to a shaded straw pen outside the Downright Austin Hotel downtown.
They’re there for a private event, one of an estimated 400 that the Sparks Agency does throughout the year. The product – Texas, the brand – is sold to enchanted out-of-towners and proud locals.
The 38-year-old Sparks takes on the persona of part in-game announcer, part wildlife expert, creating an entertaining atmosphere with some armadillo education served on the side.
“As recently as the 1790s, there were no armadillos in North America at all,” he tells the crowd in the moments before the race. “This species of Armadillo expanded into North America at a record rate.”
He’s referring to the nine-banded armadillo, which Texas Parks and Wildlife describes as a cat-sized, armored, insect-eating mammal. As Sparks alluded to, the animal is native to South America, but can now be found in several southern states, including Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Louisiana.
The Sparks Agency
So, how does one find themselves conducting armadillo races for a living? In Sparks’ case, it’s all part of the family business.
His father, Swift “Sparky” Sparks, started the agency in 1977 in Dallas, before his son was even born. Originally focused on representing artists and entertainers, the agency has morphed into throwing parties and events focused around the novelty of the Lone Star state.
After the younger Sparks graduated from the University of Texas at Austin in 2009, he stuck around town to help grow his father’s business in the capitol city.
Sparks views the armadillos as pets, in the same way most of us welcome cats or dogs into the family. He’s had Quesadillo since before college. Now 19, the armadillo is nearing the maximum age the species can live in captivity.
“These are rescue and relocation animals,” Swift explains. “I think a lot of people hear armadillo racing and think of what might have been like in the 1950s and the 60s, when there may have been a few drunk rednecks racing armadillos. But we don’t chase these guys around like they used to do.”
Armadillo FC
“Verde! Listos!”
The chants of Austin FC fans are muffled, yet still powerful enough to make out deep within the underground passageways of Q2 Stadium.
Two weeks after his event at the Downright Hotel, Sparks waits on a Saturday afternoon inside a changing room near the southwest corner of the stadium.
At halftime, it’s showtime and Sparks pulls Speedbump out of a covered travel carrier and heads toward the pitch.
Adorned with an Austin FC branded cowbody hat, Sparks crouches down to better hear a production crew member.
“Bring him out when there’s 4:30 left on the clock for halftime,” the man tells Sparks.
When the time comes, a graphic of an armadillo designed to look like Godzilla takes over the big screen behind the south bleachers. The screen then dissolves to a tight camera shot of Speedbump in Sparks’ hands.
The crowd erupts.
“We came and showed off Speedbump at some events last year, and there was a big reaction from the crowd and from their social media sites,” explains Swift. “They realized they needed to have Speedbump back.”
In many ways, the armadillo is now the unofficial Austin FC mascot. The animal is so beloved, the team decided to put an armadillo patch on its alternate jersey, a nod to their prevalence around Central Texas, and also the Armadillo World Headquarters, a well-known former Austin music venue.
Once the camera cuts away from Speedbump on the field, Sparks carries him to the sidelines, where he’s immediately met by fans asking for a selfie.
He’s able to take a dozen or so before the game kicks off again, much to the delight of those sitting in the front row.
“We call it a shell-fie,” Sparks said. “That’s right, armadillo selfies are taking over social media.”
The TEXperts
In addition to racing, the Sparks Agency describes itself as a group of TEXperts who will “ensure that your guests experience Texas in the most unique ways possible.”
Those novelty options include custom-branded cowboy hats, photos with longhorns, creating your own barbecue dry rub, branding leather, and hosting company teambuilding events and private parties.
Requests range from educational armadillo meet and greets at neighborhood HOAs, to heading to the Circuit of the Americas to sell hundreds of cowbody hats to visitors from around the globe.
However, it’s the armadillo races that remain a staple and the most popular display.
“We call everybody around and treat it like it’s the Kentucky Derby or the Super Bowl,” Sparks said.
He’ll ask for two volunteers, who are then given a pair of gloves and assigned an armadillo. Motivated by an earthworm meal waiting on the other side of the finish line, the armadillos take off as soon as the volunteers let go.
“We congratulate the winners, make fun of the losers, and then give everyone an opportunity to get an armadillo selfie,” Sparks said.
